Intro to jungian coaching

Part One of the Client Series If you've been part of the Creative Relationship community for a while, then you know that my mission is to empower you to create extraordinary love.

The first step to this empowerment is beginning to unpack our Persona, Shadow, and projections. These are some of the foundational pieces of Jungian Coaching.

Persona

Persona is the Greek word for mask, and Carl Jung used it to describe the way that we present ourselves to the world.

Our persona began developing unconsciously when we were very young. As we grew up, we learned from our caregivers what behaviors were acceptable and unacceptable. We learned what got us attention (which children equate to survival), what got us praise, what got us positive regard. We also learned what behaviors caused us to be ignored or punished. In general, we learned how to get our needs met.

As we aged, our understanding of what was acceptable and what was unacceptable grew more nuanced. Because our need for belonging is strong, we attempted to conform in ways that we thought would lead to belonging among our peers and other adults we admired.

This persona, when adaptive, allows us to move through the world in a positive, healthy way. We can make friends, hold a job, and take care of ourselves.

This all changes in mid-life, generally between the ages of 35 and 50. At this point, we begin to hear the call to individuation. This is when we start to notice a general feeling of dissatisfaction and unsettledness. Something feels missing.

The Persona was created completely unconsciously by our ego. The ego's job in early life is to help us survive, but it's job in later life is to work with our True Self, our whole, authentic expression, to help us live our purpose in the world. Unfortunately, the ego is deeply resistant to change. It gets stuck in the child-mode of survival and needs to be ushered into thriving through the rest of life.

Our Persona eventually becomes a burden to carry. We both want to take the mask off and be who we truly are, and we are afraid of what will happen if we allow ourselves to show up as our true selves. This is when we must begin Shadow Work.

The Shadow

Whatever qualities we made a part of our Persona, it's opposite was forced into our unconscious and became a part of our Shadow.

If we want to be seen as kind, helpful, and thoughtful, being mean, unhelpful, and thoughtless will be in our Shadow.

If we want to be seen as independent and smart, being needy, unoriginal, and traditional will be in our Shadow.

The call to individuation is truly a call to reclaim the lost parts of ourselves that we now need in order to thrive. This is known as integrating our Shadow. Integrating qualities like meanness or being needy doesn't mean becoming those qualities, it means having access to them, so that we can comfortably say no or ask for what we need in a relationship.

Integration will mean something different for all of us. It may mean reclaiming our boldness or creativity. It may mean allowing ourselves to feel and express emotions we learned to fear, like anger, sadness, or even joy.

Our way into Shadow work is through triggers. By examining triggering people and situations in our lives, we make what is unconscious conscious. This relieves us of the feelings that arise in triggers and clears the way for calling back our projections.

projections

Understanding projections may be the most empowering outlook and attitude we can take in life.

“Projections change the world into the replica of one's own unknown face.” -Carl Jung

What we see outside of us is a reflection of something inside of us. When we perform Shadow work, we're uncovering the projection of our Shadow onto another person.

Do you know anyone who seems to attract bad luck? They're constantly getting into car accidents or they often have strange illnesses or injuries occur? Do you know anyone who continues to fall in love with people who are unavailable? Or who attracts narcissists or bullies or needy people everywhere they go?

These are all examples of projection.

We are constantly creating our reality, but we're creating it from our unconscious mind. Our conditioned patterns from early in life play out over and over. And while it's more comfortable to blame the outside world or the people around us for our problems, it's also disempowering.

As you head into your first few weeks of coaching with me:

• Notice what triggers you,

• Pay attention to your emotions, and

• Be curious about your mind.

When we set down the burden of our persona, bring our Shadow qualities to consciousness, and learn to call back our projections, we empower ourselves to create the relationship we desire.

Reflection Questions

• What qualities did you put into your Persona? How do you want to be seen by other people? What words do you use to finish this sentence: "I am _________..."

• What qualities did you put into your Shadow? What qualities about other people trigger you?

• What emotions do you notice when you're triggered?

• When upsetting things happen, it can be helpful to see them as a reflection of something going on in our own mind. Recall an event from recent memory that upset you and pretend that it was a dream: each person involved is a part of you. What would the dream be symbolizing about your mind?