three tips for election stress in your relationship

Chances are, you're noticing difficulty with concentrating and heightened anxiety as the election season draws on.

When it comes to serious election stress, we can add existential dread to the list of symptoms. Some people will have more trouble sleeping in the coming months. Some may have depression symptoms, increased instances of anger, irritation, bitterness, or frustration, or become withdrawn.

When we're stressed, it's more difficult for us to connect with each other, and in the face of a "difficult" election season (to put it mildly), we need our relationship to be stronger than ever. Below are three simple tips to remain connected to your partner through election season.

remain open with each other (in feeling)

It can be tempting to intellectualize what we're struggling with: to rant about false information, or the way our families are voting, or the perceived hopelessness of our situation. But what's really important to tap into is our feeling. Avoiding our feelings causes them to erupt in unhelpful ways, negatively impacting our relationship.

Intellectualizing is a trick of the ego to avoid a feeling. Often, we feel angry because we're actually scared. Or we feel hopeless because that's how we've learned to handle feeling overwhelmed. Slowing down and feeling our feelings, and then sharing them openly with our partner, not only discharges the energy from those feelings, it also helps us feel connected through co-regulation.

For a partner receiving the feelings, it's important to not throw up common conversation roadblocks like soothing/reassuring, diverting, or judging. Strive to listen with curiosity and ask open ended questions to ensure you understand your partner's feelings. Empathize with their fear, anger, overwhelm, etc by saying things like, "I can see how you'd feel that way."

Make time for play

Another aspect of co-regulation, the practice of two people building resilience through connection, is play.

Most adults are play-deprived. Life is serious and hard for the most part, whether we're at work, at the gym, or at home. We may resist play as childish or frivolous, but the research shows pretty clearly that our mental health, and therefore our relationships, suffer when we are play-deprived.

If you're noticing you and your partner in a seriousness spiral, you can break out of it by playing together. Playing board games, video games, or card games, taking up pickleball or basketball, even watching stand-up comedy, all are ways to lighten our hearts and bring energy back into our lives.

take breaks and channel feeling into aligned action

The absolute worst thing we can do is give up on democracy. Taking breaks from news and supporting each other's volunteer efforts helps relieve the stress when it is aligned and intentional. We're not meant to marinate in worry, we're meant to act on it.

There are innumerable organizations that need volunteers, many of them local, where we can build community. Whatever gifts you have to give, be it tech savviness, a not-hatred of being on the phone, or your network, channeling worry and fear into aligned action is what is supposed to happen.

Elections bring up deep uncertainty, and this election season is likely to put a lot of stress on our relationships. We don't need to avoid the stress, and we don't have to just wait it out - observing and acknowledging our deeper feelings, making time for play, and channeling our feelings into aligned action will keep us close to the one who matters most.

Looking for extra support? Check out my free self-paced online course Connection Rehab.

• Learn how to listen to your partner so they feel heard and seen (aka "hold space"),

• Get simple exercises to practice alone and together, and

• Connect more deeply with each other.

Get the Course